I'm seriously behind.
And today has been rough.
I don't think I said anything negative about FireMan, but according to him I said he's an asshole. Pretty sure those words, or anything remotely like them, never came out of my mouth.
God, give me patience. And understanding. And soften my heart towards FireMan, because it's starting to harden. I can feel it.
Basically, I tried to have a conversation with him regarding our needs. Mine, and his. I tell him what I need from him that I'm not giving (ie. compliments), and apparently to him that means I am calling him an asshole. I tried, really tried, and I think was successful, in saying no such thing. I was very careful in how I worded things. I explained to him how it made me feel, and I repeatedly said that I don't think he realizes how much it means to me, so he's not not doing it on purpose, he just doesn't realize that it's a need that I have, so I'm telling him.
To him, that = me being a nagging bitch and telling him he's an asshole.
So I give up on that end and turn the table. I want to know his needs too. Honestly do. I ask him. He says sex. I ask him for more details. He says "I don't know". I tell him that I want to fulfill this need for him, but that I have been honestly trying more, and opening up more, and we've been doing different things, and we have sex pretty much every night that he's home, so I need more information so that I can fill that need. He says "I don't know". Then gets mad because I'm asking him. Says I should just "figure it out". I explain to him (again) that that's where I'm confused, because I really have been putting more effort into it, but obviously my efforts have been in the wrong area, so I need him to tell me how I need to change direction for him. He continues to get agitated that I want to talk about it. I press.
Do you want this? "I don't know"
Do you want that? "I don't know"
Do you want biggety? "I don't know"
Do you want boo? "I don't know"
What the heck?!? The whole time I'm remaining calm, because I really am interested in what he needs from me. How can I be the best wife I can be if I'm not making any effort to fulfill my husband's needs, right?
And he gets angry!
I. Am. Losing. Patience.