Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day 4 (yesterday)

Once again, I had intended to log on last night to update my blog, but we ended up going to the park and getting home late, so I didn't get ont he itnernet at all last night.

The challenges seem to be getting harder. Not from a doing standpoint, but from a finding-the-opportunity standpoint. So my homework is piling up since I'm not finding the opportunities to do them.

Here are my outstanding assignments:

Day 3: Let FireMan know that I appreciate his kindness & consideration towards me. I swear I'm looking for this. I'm not seeing it. Another option they provide is gently telling your husband that you need more kindess & consideration from him. I've considered this, but am concerned that no matter how I say it he'll take it as some sort of nagging. So I'm really hoping he'll do something that I can count as kind & considerate.

Day 4: Let your husband know how much you appreciate the work he does. I guess I could just come out & say it, but I'm afraid if we're not talking about work or something, it'll seem... forced. And I want it to seem genuine, because it is.

Day 5 (today's assignment): tell a relative (his or yours) how much you love, respect, and support your husband. How do you do that unless you're already talking about him? Am I supposed to call his mom out of the blue and say "I just wanted you to know how much I love your son"? Call up my dad and say "did you know that I support FireMan no matter what"? I guess I'm just struggling with timing.

The past couple of days I've done pretty well with the no-negative-talking thing. It's getting easier. Most of the time. I have discovered one side effect though: our sex life suffers.
Take last night for instance. I sought his advice regarding something small, but something small that I'm worried about. He refused. Said he didn't want to think about it. I persisted. He resisted. Then he tries to make a move. I was pretty upset with him by that point, shoved him off of me, rolled over & went to sleep.
Now, in the past, I would have said something negative to him, we'd get into a mini-argument, but most of the time we'd get it all out and move on to getting it on. Now that I can't say what I want to him? I don't say anything. I roll over & go to sleep. And so... our sex life suffers. Just an example.
For now I'm counting that as a minor casualty on the road to healing our relationship. And that once healed, I'm guessing our sex life will be better than ever.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers."  -- Ephesians 4:29

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day 3 (yesterday)

I had intended to post last night, but forgot.

Yesterday's challenge was to let your husband know that you appreciate his kindness and consideration towards you, that you value the way he is gentle or tender.

The opportunity to do so did not arise.

See, FireMan is not very gentle or tender. He is often inconsiderate, and can come off unkind. And I don't totally blame him for this. As I have grown to know his family, I have come to realize that he didn't really have any role models in this area. Not even his mother.
Sensitive issues, of any kind, are much more likely to be met with a crass remark, a crude joke, or a sarcastic comment than with any sort of understanding or kindness.

So... I guess I'll just keep this in mind, keep my eyes open for even the slightest showing of consideration towards me, and show my appreciation then.

One interesting point: at the end of the challenge description, it says to remember that "Ultimately, you can't expect your husband to make you feel more secure, loved, etc. Remember that only God can meet the deepest needs of your heart." This definitely hits home for me.

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,"  -- I Corinthians 13:4

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."  -- Phillippians 4:19

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Day 2

I slipped once today. I was talking to my mom, and I slipped about FireMan not being sensitive to me. I guess that qualifies as speaking negatively of him to others.

Biting my tongue is definitely difficult. But other than that slipup, I'm doing well. Although sometimes this leads to dead space in our conversations, LOL.

Today's challenge is to praise FireMan for his willingness to serve others, and to let him know that I see his unique service as a strength.

So, my plan is, when he gets home from a Water Rescue training session, to thank him for running the dishwasher this morning, tellhim how proud I am of his skills as a rescue & recovery diver and how neat it is that he is one of a very few people who can do that, and thank him for (hopefully) bringing home some milk.

"... by love serve one another."  -- Galations 5:13b

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Day 1

This. Is. Hard.


Today's challenge is to let your husband know you're glad your his wife. You're glad your married. Easy enough. Done.

The not saying negative things has been more difficult. Already. And the day's only half over. And it's only Day One.

I mean, I'm not that bad. It's not like I'm a total b**** or something. The challenge just makes me think before I speak. Something I should be doing anyway, right? With everyone. And I've held my tongue quite a bit today. Not that what I was gonna say was really negative, it just wasn't... positive. So I didn't say it. I have a feeling this exercise will end up being good not only for our relationship, but for me as an individual as well.

One of my struggles is that I tend to be rather passive-aggressive. So what I'm actually saying, or sometimes doing, to get my point across isn't negative in & of itself. It's sometimes the... intent(?), I guess. I have a feeling that's gonna be quite a struggle for me over the next month.

"The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."  -- Proverbs 31:11-12

Friday, June 25, 2010

Day -1

I found a 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge for Wives and liked the way it sounded. So this is my journey thru that challenge.

If you happen to read any of my other blogs, you've probably come to realize that FireMan & I have been having some struggles lately in our relationship. Being familiar with FireProof (both the movie, and the concept), I've been thinking of it a lot lately. And although I know that I can't fix everything myself, I also acknowledge that I need to do whatever I can to improve not only the situation, but myself as well, working to become the best wife & partner I can be. And some guidance in this area would be very helpful.

I am not the perfect wife. Not by far. I am flawed. I have faults. And I need to work on them. And so when I stumbled on this challenge today, while googling something else (God? fate?) I at first ignored it. After all, it wasn't what I was looking for. Then I opened the site. Then navigated away from it. Then went back. Then decided to do it & printed it out.

And then, because throughout my life I have come to realize that if I am going thru something, then someone else is too, I decided to blog about my experience with the challenge. If nothing else, hopefully by sharing my journey, it will let someone else out there realize that they are not alone, and maybe give them some ideas for their situation as well.

I start the challenge tomorrow.

What is the challenge? Here's the essence of it:

Every day for the next 30 days:
 * I cannot say anything negative about FireMan. This includes things I say to him, and things I say to others about him. Nothing negative at all.
 * I must say something that I admire or appreciate about Fireman. This should be said both to him, and to others about him.

On top of that every day has it's own separate assignment.

Ha! Thirty days is starting to sound like a long time! But I'll we'll get there!