Last night we went at it again.
Blah, blah, blah. He said the "wrong" thing, I responded the "wrong" way, he responded to me the "wrong"way, I countered the "wrong" way, rinse, repeat.
I put "wrong" in quotes because, well, at this point I can't even tell which one of us is actually wrong anymore or if we both are or if neither of us is.
I don't even know.
It's so ironic, in a horribly sad way.
I feel like I can't do anything right. I try to be a good wife, I really do. I try to do good things, to serve him well, to be kind to him, to do nice things for him, big & little - and it seems like they are either never enough, or they are just flat out wrong and instead of being something good it somehow ends up being bad. I don't even know how.
The irony of it? Sometimes I think he feels the same way. Like he tries, but I'm not happy either.
It's like we both just suck at this married thing.
I don't know. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everything just seems WRONG.
As a result... I spent a good chunk of this morning crying out to God, okay, yelling at God, asking Him why He won't save our marriage, why He won't show us what to do, force us to do it, whatever. He's God. We've both come to Him, He can do it, why won't He fix it? Why?
I don't know.