Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Those Stupid Little Things... Well, They're Actually Really Big

FireMan & I got into a fight the other night.

Started off innocently enough. I asked him if he knew what my favorite movie was. I was kinda teasing him, because I thought surely he knew the answer.

He stumbled around and listed two are three movies, and ended with "I don't know"

Now, to be fair, my favorite movie was one of the ones he listed, but... how did he not know this?

Yeah, I should preface this by saying that my teasing him... well, it was in the context of the fact that he still knows not only his ex-wife's favorite movie, but her favorite line from that movie. And I was teasing him about it. How we got into that conversation is not important to this post.

What is important is that he knows his ex-wife's favorite line from her favorite movie... and can't even name (with assurance) what my favorite movie is.

I'm not sure how the rest of the ladies out there would feel about that, but it did not sit well with me.

So this began a conversation. As upset as I was, at this point it was more of a kinda of sad than anything. I mean, how does my hubby not know this?!?

We've been married 4 years, together 6.

His ex-wife? Well, they've been divorced 6 years, separated 7, and were barely even together 4 years total.

Yet he knows this about her, and not me.

I asked him if he knew my favorite color (again, at this point I'm calm, I'm kinda teasing, because I still think surely he will know my favorite color, I mean my 3 yr old knows my favorite color, so surely my hubby will, right?)

He answers with assurance.

Not only the wrong color... he names his ex-wife's favorite color.

Which just so happens to be probably my least favorite color, and isn't even in the same color family as mine.

Now... not happy.

Kinda want to hit him.

So, he knows his ex-wife's favorite line from her favorite movie, remembers her favorite color 7 years later... and doesn't know any of that stuff about me?!?

This is not good.

I remain calm. More than being upset with him, I see this as a problem that we need to correct.

The truth is that we moved rather quickly thru our dating relationship - meeting, dating, becoming serious, moving in together, getting engaged, and finally getting married just 18 months after we met. And pregnant two months after our honeymoon.

I'm thinking ( and say to him ): "We moved really quickly thru our dating relationship, we didn't take time to get to know these little things about each other. We should date each other! Really date!"

As I'm saying it I go from being a little irritated to thinking this could be fun. Things have been going pretty well lately, I'd like to date the love of my life, right?

He responds by reminding me that we just had a date night, and then asking me where I want to go next.

So I explain that I don't just mean going out to eat once in a while, but really dating, being absorbed in each other, talking to each other like we can't get enough, asking questions like we don't know each other (because obviously we don't, right?), spending time together because we can't think of a better place to be than with each other.

His reaction?

"I'm tired" and he rolls over.

Oh yeah, this conversation took place in bed. Most of our good ones do. When else do we see each other without a preschooler around, right?

But now I'm excited about my idea. I playfully poke his side, lay on his chest staring into his closed eyes and announce that I'll go first.

I tell him my favorite movie, and my favorite line from that movie. My 2nd favorite movie, and my top 2 lines from that movie. My favorite color (then & now, it changes), a few other things that I am quite certain (and he confirms) he doesn't know about me. Maybe 6 or 7 things total. Takes maybe 2 minutes.

Then I say "okay... you're turn!" - still kinda excited about this brilliant idea of mine

"I'm going to bed"

"But... c'mon! I just told you a few things about me! You're turn! Tell me something about yourself!"

"I like to go to bed early, and I'm going to sleep now"

And then he proceeds to ignore me.

This. Sets. Me. Off.

I may or may not have ripped the covers off of him, yelled at him, and then stormed out of the room slamming the door behind me.

I may or may not have just gone off on him about the deeper issue of how I'm sick & tired of putting myself out there, sharing with him, giving him more of myself, and getting nothing in return.

I may have overreacted.

Or I may have reacted just enough, when you consider all the stuff behind this behavior of his.

I wanted him to tell me one thing. One thing about himself. 10 seconds. And he wouldn't give me that.

I suggest dating - I mean, how fun is it to date the person you love, right? - and he acts like it's a prison sentence.

I'm not gonna lie - I do feel like I overreacted when I blew up at him.

But I also feel like I remained calm and positive and reasonable far longer than many would have. I was trying to turn this issue into something positive, something constructive, something we could use to build up our relationship with... and he pooped on it.

As if it's not bad enough that I know (from him mentioning thru the years) of all these other things that he did for his ex-wife that he has since flat out refused to do for me (gifts, nice dinners, romantic dates, dressing up, and the bitch even got a planned out, thoughtful, romantic proposal [unlike mine]), and now I'm faced with the reality that not only does he still know more about her, but he doesn't even care to learn about me, as excited as he was to date her, he doesn't want to date me, and it seems like the more I try to love him, the more times I get slapped in the face.

I am so tired of being rejected time and time again.

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