Friday, March 23, 2012

I want you to want me

A 2007 study found that 40% of women who cheat on their spouses do so for more emotional attention, and another 33% do so to be reassured of their desirability.

While I have no intention of cheating, I believe the study is accurate. I can see where the desire for attention is there, and when combined with opportunity, it could develop further.

I cannot tell you how many times I have begged FireMan to pay more attention with me, spend more time with me & FireGirl (he has improved in this area), or in despair said "You never listen to me!"

To quote Pete from the movie Knocked Up: "The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around."

And, just to refresh your memory, I work with almost entirely men.

And you remember this incident, right?

No, it hasn't happened again.

But the other day one of my best friend-coworkers (yes, a guy) and I got to talking. For an hour and 45 minutes. I didn't think anything of it at the time. There were only three of us even in the office, and he's been going thru some stuff, and he is one of my few actual friends at work, and we tell each other stuff, so... we started talking.

And before I knew it, it had been nearly two hours, and I needed to leave to pick up FireGirl from preschool.

We talked about everything. Work, home, family, kids, parents, grandparents, health, mental health, relationships, marriage, pets, college, past jobs, old girlfriends / boyfriends... one thing just kept leading to another and the conversation was easy.

To be clear, I have absolutely no interest in this person. Never did, not even when I was single. Besides, one of the things I happen to know about him is how he cheated on his wife repeatedly throughout their marriage before they finally got divorced. Good friend, yes. Recommend him to a girlfriend to date, not a chance.

Anywho... later that night FireMan had one of our infamous I-wanna-talk-and-he-couldn't-care-less moments.

And I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to earlier in the day, when I had an easy, two hour conversation with someone who wanted to talk to me. Someone who seeks me out to tell me new developments in their life. Someone who trusts me with secrets, and who I trust with mine.

And I couldn't help but wonder if I perhaps know more about this fellow than I do about my own husband. Does he know more about me than my own husband does? He might. It's possible. Certainly not for lack of effort on my part though.

And I couldn't help but wish that my husband showed me the same attention, wanted to spend that much time just communicating with me, wanted to tell me what was going on in his life, wanted to ask what was going on in mine.

Yes, hubby, I want you to want me. I really, really do.

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