Sunday, March 25, 2012

My Fantasies

Yes, I have them.

They rarely involve my husband (anymore).

They used to. But then I was always disappointed. So now they're always framed in this "secret admirer" type of situation.

So hopefully you understand that I'm not talking about sex.

I had a birthday a while back. And it was a milestone for me. And I felt old. And yes, I had mentioned to my hubby that I didn't want anything big, like a party or anything.

Not that I really had to worry about that. I mean, my husband hasn't even gotten me a birthday present in 5 years.

2007. My first birthday with him. He got me a birthstone necklace. It was beautiful. I actually wore it at our wedding.

2008. My birthday came & went with nothing but dinner. We had recently found out I was pregnant and two weeks after my birthday we traded in the pickup truck for the SUV we have now. About a month later, when I tease him about not getting me anything, he tries to say that I got a car for my birthday, and how many wives can say that? and how can I not be grateful for such a big present? You know, the SUV we got two weeks after my birthday, that we would have gotten anyway because we were having a kid. He still claims that was my present.

2009. My cell phone had been acting up for months. I got a new phone a week or so before my birthday. But so did FireMan. He tried to say it was my birthday present, but I contested that it can't be my present if he's getting one too. Why is he getting a new phone "just because", but I have to use my birthday present for mine? That's not fair, so it doesn't count. He insists that's my present, and I'm not getting anything else. And he lives up to that.

2010. I think we just went to dinner. Maybe a movie. No actual present. Not sure I even got a card.

2011. I'm 99% sure we just went to dinner. Definitely no present. And I'm fairly certain I did not get a card.

So needless to say, this year I wasn't expecting anything. Even if it is a milestone birthday. Even if our relationship is better. Even if I do have a history of getting him kick-ass presents (except for this year, because why bother? but that's a whole 'nother blog post, you know?).

The day before my birthday FireMan is on shift and I ask if he got my present yet. Nope. I suggest he ask the guys if they can do a WalMart run. He laughs.

I wake up the morning of my birthday. He was on shift the night before. The house is quiet. There is nothing to mark the day. My mind starts to wander.

Maybe I'll get to work and there will be balloons... no, flowers on my desk.

And then I realize that FireMan would never do that. Like, ever.

So that tiny little thought turns into this fantasy. That I come into work and there's this lovely bouquet of flowers on my desk, and no note, or maybe just a note that says "Happy Birthday", but it's not signed.

And what if they're actually my favorite flower? What if someone actually knows me well enough to know what my favorite flower is, and has them sent to my office for my birthday?

And I got all tingly & giddy just thinking about it.

And I got to my office and there was nothing there.

But that didn't keep me from thinking that maybe the front desk would call me with a delivery.

Didn't keep my mind wandering off, fantasizing about this made up secret admirer for hours, creating all kinds of scenarios where this secret admirer gets me just the perfect gift and somehow gets it to me without me noticing him.

But by the end of the day, my fantasies had waned into nothing.

But that's okay. I wouldn't know what to do with a secret admirer anyway.

And when I got home? FireMan had gotten me a dozen roses, and a very sweet card.

I'm not sure how he knew I had flowers on the brain, or maybe it was just a lucky coincidence, but... yay.

Anyway, the point is that I fantasize on occasion. Not about sex, but about romance. About being swept away with the kind attentions of a man. An unknown, faceless, man.

I guess everybody needs fantasies in some way, huh?

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