Sunday, May 27, 2012

Anniversary Spat - part 4

This is getting long, isn't it? LOL


So today he leaves the house like nothing is wrong. Like nothing happened.

I called him at lunch. He acted like nothing happened. But of course he had to cut our conversation short because he was at Lowe's and the guys needed him.

And of course he gets off shift tomorrow and drives an hour straight (without coming home) to go to training. He might get out in time to join us for a friend's birthday party. Has training again the next day, for 8 hours. Then he's on shift again.

Basically, I anticipate not seeing my husband for at least four days.

And he's made it clear in the past that he hates talking on the phone.

After all, the guys might need him. You know, as if I don't.

I've decided I'm not bringing up our anniversary again. What's the point? He's decided he doesn't want to go, and doesn't care how much it means to me.

Besides, even if he agrees to it at this point, it's not because he wants to celebrate our first marriage milestone, or even because he wants to make me happy... at this point it would be just to shut me up. In other words, the only way he's agreeing to it now is to make his life easier, not for us, or for me.

So what's the point? I don't even want to go on an anniversary trip with someone who doesn't want to be there. That just makes everyone miserable.

So today I sent in the request to cancel my vacation days for October. You know, for our big trip. The days he called me to schedule at the beginning of the year when his department was doing their vacation scheduling (yes, they're expected to schedule the bulk of it in January each year). So he called me (ie. initiated it), we agreed on what week we would travel, we both requested, and were granted, the necessary days off work.

Something he used to be at least minimally excited about - at least enough to schedule for it 10 months in advance - he now doesn't even want to do.

And he won't tell me why.

I'm not gonna lie. I am so disappointed. I cried as I filled out the request to cancel those days. I'm on the verge of tears as I type this.

You know, I just can't help but think that even if he didn't really want to go (although I think at some point he did - or at least acted like it), that because it obviously means so much to me, he might be willing. You know, to do it for me.

And it's not like I'm trying to get him to put on a suit & go to a fancy schmancy restaurant, then take me to the ballet or anything.

I want to travel. A trip. Something he loves as well. When I was (past tense) looking up destinations, I was careful to makes sure any place I was looking at had activities he liked.

I just really don't understand what happened.

And I'm really, really hurt. Probably more than he realizes.

Of course, if he doesn't realize it, it's just because once again he's not paying attention.

{{ sigh }}

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