originally posted on my other blog in 2009
Being one that's always had a lot of male friends, I sometimes think about my relationships and how they may or may not be affected by these friend.
One of the most significant romantic relationships I was in ended suddenly, and I've long wondered how much my male friends had to do with it. Not directly, but indirectly.
At the time my best friend was a guy, and we would often go out just the two of us. We were very close, but we were "just friends". However, people being, well, people, rumors of impropriety abounded, my then-boyfriend expressed jealousies, etc, etc.
Looking back on it, I can see where I made mistakes. Things that I confided in with my male friend I should have been discussing with my love interest. Knowing how things looked, I should have taken more efforts to make my inward commitment to my romantic relationship more outwardly apparent. And so on and so forth.
This isn't to say I don't think you can have friends of the opposite sex. But let's face it, when you have chemistry with a girl friend - you hit it off right off the bat, enjoy each other's company, could talk for hours, etc. - it doesn't have the same implications as when you discover that type of chemistry with a guy friend.
And these implications aren't just those of outward appearances. Maybe you don't care if the world thinks you're cheating when they see out to dinner with a guy that's not your husband, as long as you know.
But what does it do to your relationship? What insecurities might it raise in your husband's mind & heart? Where is your heart & mind? Do you really see this guy as just a friend, or do you let your mind wander to the Land of Something More?
Which brings me to the title of this post: some fruit should just be forbidden.
I have chosen to make these close friendships with members of the opposite sex a Forbidden Fruit in my life for the sake of my marriage.
Do I miss these friendships? Yes. Is my marriage worth the sacrifice? Absolutely.
I'm not saying I don't have guy friends, I certainly do. I just choose not to go out with them alone, just the two of us. The only man I'm interested in being alone with is my husband.
So how is it that this can be good for a marriage, you ask? Well, it's not so much the Fruit, as it is the Forbidden. Because as long as you see it as Forbidden, as long as those relationships make you feel awkward, as long as you continue to keep a check on things and keep checking yourself, it's good. It means that you care about your marriage. Any awkwardness is an acknowledgement of the commitment you have made to another person. And that is a good thing.
When it becomes too comfortable... well that's when you need to worry.
As always, thanks for checking in!