Thursday, July 25, 2013

Discouraged & Frustrated

As a wife I think one of the hardest things for me to do is to work on meeting my husband's needs when I feel as if my own aren't being met.

I'm sure that's probably true of just about everyone, regardless of the relationship.

In my last post I mentioned the importance of having perspective, of realizing when little things are just that: little.

But the truth is that right now we are in a place where all those little things have begun to add up to a big thing for me. And I am struggling.

Normally, at least several times a week, I consider how I can encourage him, what I can do to ease his burden, what can I do to please him sexually, and even how I can look nice... for him. Not any one of those things being huge, but just little efforts to show my husband that I love him.

Now? Not so much.

I am in a rough place mentally. Right now Jason is not meeting several of my needs. And quite frankly hasn't for a while. Encouragement. Romance. Financial security. Support. I've tried to talk to him about each of these, but what hasn't resulted in an argument seems to have fallen on deaf ears.

I started looking up resources, challenges, inspiration today to try to get me back on track of being purposeful about showing love to my husband, but the fact is that I am not at all in the right mindset. And so I stopped looking.

Was it that bad? Yes.

Because right now I am in such a mindset that when I read how I should encourage, I think about how he has discouraged me the past few days. When I read how I should support his efforts, I think about how he has demeaned my efforts. And so on and so forth.

I know I need to change this mindset, this thought process. Because I know that I am not perfect, and in fact that I fail him daily too. I realize that this is a selfish, entitled mindset instead of a forgiving, serving mindset. But I am really struggling right now.

What about you? What causes you the biggest problem in showing your spouse how much you love them?

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