This needs to be shared

I've tried three times to think of how to introduce this story, but my words seem so inadequate. This is a marriage story, that although unfinished, needs to be shared. Enjoy.

Kid-Dom

And He Talks

Really talks.

Like maybe he's never done before.

At least not with me.

This past weekend, the hubs and I talked. For hours.

About real stuff. Not piddly little day-to-day items. Not rambling about family or friends or what not. We talked about us. About our relationship, our marriage, our thoughts, our feelings.

We talked.

Without yelling. Without getting angry. Even when we were discussing what upset us. We just talked.

Hashed it out.

And it was awesome.

We both got our feelings hurt. We both got confused. But more importantly, we both got heard.

Pure awesomeness I tell you.

The truth is that love is an action, a series of actions. I am able to love my husband better when he tells me what he wants & needs from me, from life. And vice versa.

There's a lot of talk about the importance of real communication in relationships, and I think maybe for the first time I really get it. When we don't communicate with our spouse, we hinder their ability to love us, and for us to love them. We make it harder for them to love us. Not in feelings, but in actions. How can they know how to best love us, if we don't let them in to the deepest parts of ourselves? The truth is, they can't.

Communication is key. I'm convinced.

I'm also in love.

Love like Christ

Lately I've heard / seen several marital issues that have had me deep in thought.

That's right folks, today we're not talking bout my marriage. We're gonna talk about other people's.

First, on an episode of Hoarders,  the husband walks out on his wife mid-show as she discusses her hoarding problem. Says he's divorcing her, something he's threatened before.

I understand both sides of their argument. They've only been married a few years, and she says (and he admits) that her house looked like this before they married, the entire time they dated. If it were that big of an issue, he should never have proposed. He says she refuses to move, and refuses to create any room for him in her life, literally. That if she weren't willing to make room for him, she should never have said 'yes'.

They both have very valid points.

One of my friends is going thru a situation with her husband where he cheated on her. She threatened to leave unless he cut off the affair & agreed to counselling. He agreed. They are both getting counselling (individually & together), and he has been trying to make it up to her ever since. Romancing her like never before.

Another friend, caught her husband cheating. Again. She never left him the first time, choosing instead to forgive the offense. Now she's not sure what to do. He has (in a roundabout way) that he would rather leave her & their children than to seek counselling for their problems. It remains to be seen if either of them will leave.

All of this talk of leaving. Actually leaving, threatening to leave, giving ultimatums or "I'm out" has me doing a lot of thinking.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the desire to leave. Trust me. I get it. The truth is I've been very close in the past myself. I get it.

An in a situation of cheating or beating*, you even have a biblically justified reason for divorce.

But... and bear with me here... don't we all sin against our spouses in some way? Offend them? Hurt them? Don't we all have our issues & baggage we bring to the table? Don't we all make mistakes? Sometimes repeatedly?

What makes it enough? What offense is enough to end your marriage? To break your covenant?

Beyond marriage, don't we all hurt the ones we love?

Taking it even further, what about Christ? How many times have we offended Him? Sinned against God? Aren't we all sinners, undeserving of the Lord's forgiveness?

What if God chose to leave?
What if He reached a point where he said "enough is enough, you have hurt me too many times, I'm leaving you." ??

And as these thoughts whirled around in my head, I thought "what if marriage, the bigger-picture view of marriage, is that it isn't about being with whom you love, it's about learning how to love the unlovable?"

* this post is not talking about victims of domestic violence. If you or your children are being harmed, please get out now.  You can Google domestic violenced help in your area, or if the situation is truly urgent, call 9-1-1 for immediate assistance.

Rekindled

The past few weeks have been good. Really good.

I don't know what made the difference. It's almost as if a switch has been flipped. A good switch.

In many ways, it reminds me of our dating days.

I can't tell you how many times over the past few weeks I've had the thought "it feels like when we were dating".

I'm amazed.

I don't know what to make of it.

Part of me is scared. But most of me is happy.

Very happy.

Oh, we still have our issues, our problems, our struggles.

But... to feel like when you were dating again... it's something I never thought would happen.

And it's glorious.

Lessons Learned

Just wanted to share an excellent article I read a while back. Enjoy!

5 Lessons Learned from 18 Years of Marriage