tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434750602678360023.post3553240747011369805..comments2023-10-25T05:48:53.080-04:00Comments on My Wifely Journey: Why does forgiveness have to be so hard?Jodihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16462664480337935375noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2434750602678360023.post-19360502655197952942012-07-17T02:14:18.470-04:002012-07-17T02:14:18.470-04:00I don't know what "The Lie" is. I...I don't know what "The Lie" is. I've anonymously read your blog for quite some time, and I can only make assumptions. But I have to say, it sounds to me like you are taking on the entire weight of this marriage. You are trying to win a three-legged race, except the person you're tied to is dead weight and refusing to move. <br /><br />Whatever this lie is, he is placing the responsibility on you to fix it. He's doing that through his passive aggressive attitude towards to you. He's doing that through is lack of empathy towards your side of the situation. He's doing that with his lack of any acceptance of his wrong doing. He's doing that through placing the blame on you when he is unhappy with the consequences of actions. He is doing that by attempting to control your reaction to his wrong doing by only releasing information that he deems necessary. <br /><br />That is emotional abuse. <br /><br />It is NOT up to you alone to save this marriage. It is NOT your fault that he, pardon my french, fucked up. It is NOT your job to carry the burden of his mistake. <br /><br />STOP trying to carry the burden of his mistake. <br /><br />I don't really know you, but I do know that you don't deserve this. <br /><br />Forgiveness is hard in this situation because the person needing it, isn't really asking for it. What he is asking for is for you to forget it. To ignore it. To shut up about it. He's not sorry in a sense that he regrets his decision and regrets what it's done to you and realizes what a mistake it was. He's sorry that he got caught. He's sorry that you won't shut up about it. He's sorry that there have been any consequences to what he doesn't even really deem a mistake. <br /><br />I am so, so, so sorry you're living like this. I am sad for you. I am sad for your daughter.<br /><br />Forgiveness doesn't always end in a couple living happily ever after. Sometimes forgiving can only happen when you realize enough is enough. Living in this space is not worth cost of the rent. Sometimes forgiving is letting go and moving on before anymore hurt can occur. <br /><br />Good luck.Jess Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13321336973174283676noreply@blogger.com